Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! We’re going to the zoo! Up early, snarf my breakfast, hurry up and poop, get in the carrier, and, off we go! I’ve heard of this place many times, but I’ve never had the pleasure of going. A first for so many things.
I saw the biggest cat ever! Mom said it was a lion. I thought “lion” was somethin’ you did when you didn’t want to tell the truth, like, “did you do that” when the toilet paper somehow got unwound from the roll and you said, “no”. (hehehe)
We walked past bears, (polar, black, brown and grizzlies) deer, zebras, giraffes, and all kinds of critters I’d never heard of. I even got to circle the outside of a petting zoo inside the zoo. I was thrilled to be introduced to a goat hiney, a pot bellied pig snout, some chicken poop, and even snarfed up some monkey chow. Delightful, to say the least!
And as we rounded the last corner toward the exit…there she stood. Elsie the elephant. Mom picked me up so I could get a good view. She was a magnificent creature, and obviously loved to be in the limelight. She blared like an out of tune trumpet when her trainer came with a bucket of carrots. She bowed, turned in a circle, and snaked her trunk between the bars…always looking for a handout.
A crowd had gathered, and Elsie became more and more animated. She rocked back and forth like an obese ballet dancer, sans tutu. All of a sudden, a rumble that sounded like thunder emanated from deep within Elsie, and as she backed closer to the fence, she let loose with a dump that would have overflowed a fifty gallon drum. It hit the hot concrete with a SPLAT, and spread like a bucket of brown paint. The steam began to rise, and people stepped back to avoid the stench. Talk about impressed! I’ve never seen anything quite like that! An immediate hush fell over the crowd in disbelief at what had just happened. You could have heard a pin drop.
A little boy, holding his grandpa’s hand, looked up at him lovingly and asked, “Is that how you do it, grandpa?”
The crowd erupted in laughter. Grandma nearly lost her lunch. Grandpa was not amused. He just kept saying as he turned and walked toward the exit, “We gotta get to the car. We gotta get to the car.”
Mom couldn’t contain herself, spitting her soda halfway across the sidewalk. I was completely exhausted…in need of a nap! Call me when dinner is served!