(Mature subject matter. Reader discretion advised)

There are all kinds of balls in the world, but only a few of which I’m a big fan. I love my tennis ball, my “jingle” ball, and my squeaky ball.

My mom went to Michael’s the other day with her friend, and said Michael had hundreds of balls. He had red ones, green ones, even blue balls. You could paint his balls, put glitter on his balls, and hang his balls on a Christmas tree. Imagine that! I didn’t know trees had balls!

I heard some dude on the radio hollerin’ about “great balls of fire”, and I thought to myself, goodness gracious! <chortle> The people across the street have two deer that light up at night. They’ve been neutered. They don’t got no balls. Then there’s Bailey that lives around the corner. He don’t got no balls either. He’s a barker. No wonder he barks. The next door neighbors have a ping pong table in their rec room. They spend a lot of time smacking their balls back and forth, back and forth, for hours on end. Pointless, if you ask me.

The most fascinating of all is “Mr. Big”, Santa’s weenie dog down the street and around the corner. Now, he’s got a LOT of balls. He stands at the foot of Santa’s bed and growls at everyone that goes by, making sure they don’t set foot in his yard. I’ve actually barked at him, but he just stands there lookin’ at me.

So…whether you’ve got balls or not…whether they light up or sparkle…I wish you the Merriest Christmas and the Happiest New Year ever!